I am in the process of packing my clothes for a semi-last minute trip to the Philippines. Last weekend we found out that my grandfather died from natural causes. So my mother and I are preparing for our trip to the Philippines tomorrow.

I haven't seen my grandparents in a fairly long time but their influence and love still fill my heart to this day. After all, my grandparents and uncle took care of me during my infant years as my mom tried to make a living for herself and to be independently stable here in the States, or to achieve the American dream before she brought me over to live with her. I feel sad that I could not have done more for them and through circumstances beyond my control, I wasn't able to visit them as often as I would like. This will be my first time back to the Philippines since I was age 6. I was born in the Philippines and lived my life through the guidance of my grandparents until I was brought to the US. I honestly do not remember much of my experiences during that time and sadly most are lost or remain very distant glimpses of what was.

Several emotions have filled my heart as I am happy to go back to the islands and extremely excited to experience a strange world that I have not yet witnessed, however, yet sad since i know this will be an emotional journey for myself and my mother so by no means do i consider this a vacation. We will traveling for only a week but it will be a week filled with happiness, laughter, sadness and every other emotion in between. It's almost like playing Emotional Roulette.

okay, back to my packing and laundry..